When after all the break-ups and coming back together, someone notice that one of you had changed. You want to bring back the old person that he was, the person that you fell in love with. But that’s impossible to do — just by looking that he enjoys the person that he had become.

He don’t text you occasionally, like he used to do. You know that the only communication you two have is by text or call. You rarely see each other because of how far you both live. Before, you wake up, he already had a text message to you, which completes your day. When you reply, he’ll say, “I was waiting for you to wake up. Good morning. I love you.” But now, you wake up, no text. Or maybe yes, it has, but it says, “I can’t sleep.” And it was sent around 6 in the morning. No more Good morning? Yes. No more I love you unless you say? Yes. Before, you would sleep around 3 in the morning because you’re both talking through text, or sometimes call. You like it when he fall asleep talking to you. But now, it changed. You two only talk ’til morning when you’re arguing with something. That usually ends up to two things: a) sleep with hatred; b) break up.

When he says, “Don’t leave me please because I love you”, you giggle. But now, when he say that, you feel uncomfortable and feel that what he said is not for you. You don’t know what to answer, Yes, I won’t leave you. You can’t promise that because every relationship ends. There are very rare occasions that a person in relationship/marriage would live ’till their last breaths. And No, I will leave you, but not now. Because you freaking know to yourself that you need him.

Before, he always have time for you. He always tell you where he’s going, and if you say “no, you can’t go there”, he would follow. But now, no. You’ll just end up crying because you knew that last Friday, he was on a concert and his guts to say, “And I met new friends”. You can’t lie to yourself, you’re hurt because of what he said. He was mad after and said, “But that was because I have no load!” And that what hurts you more. A simple, “Hey! I’m on a concert. Bye.” text to you is fine, how much is the cheapest load nowadays. You ask yourself if he can’t even spend little amount just to tell you that?

And all the little things he do that hurts you but afraid to tell him, what would you do? When you are left with no choices, what will you do?

You ask yourself of what’s the problem. “Is it because of the break-ups we had lately?” “Is it because he was busy with his ‘female’ friends that’s why he rarely got time on me?” And the worst that you can think of is: “Or maybe is it because he already love someone else?”

You like the old he. The old boyfriend you met. When you are the only one he loves. When you are the only one who gets all of his attention.. But you’ve got nothing to do. Because every people change, and maybe, this is he. Accept it.

to know is this:

She walks down the aisle, my eyes are with tears. I know this is the moment she’s been waiting for all these years. I looked from afar, this thing I can’t hide. The pain of being a bridesmaid when I was supposed to be the bride.

I was actually just cleaning up my room and saw my dusty collection of quotes. I’ve got 2 notebook and they are both full and plastered with printout quotes (because I’m too lazy to write them). I saw some circled quotes which means they are the quotes I’ve already sent. Can’t believe I was this cheesy back then. But whatever. I do love quotes. But at some point in time, I applied almost all of them in my life. Basically, at one time, I lived my life based on quotes.

Enough with the confession. I’ll share to you some of them:

My heart skipped a beat when I saw you again. The man of my dreams, that’s what you are now and then. I was just about to tell the girl beside me that you’re my life when suddenly, she told me, “I’m his wife”.

Another depressing quote. Way to go!

One day, love and friendship met. Love asked, “Why do you exist when I already exist?” Friendship smiled and said, “To put a smile where you leave tears.”

One night, someone noticed a star losing its usual bright glow and asked the star why. Then it answered, “I’ve grown tired and weak shining for someone whose glance has never been mine.”

A guy said to a girl, “You’re nice. The guy you love is lucky.” Then after a while, he showed her a picture. “She’s my girl.” And the girl said, “You know what? She’s luckier cause the guy I love loves her.”

And this one is my favorite:

A girl was so sad because she thought that the guy she loved didn’t love her back. Years later, she saw the guy carrying his daughter. She asked, “What’s her name?” He smiled. Then looked down and said, “Same as yours.”

My fingers hurt. But if you point a gun, err… I mean, if you ask me to post a few more quotes, I’d love to do it - but you have to wait 3059345847568 days before I post it. Heh.

Besides the fact that I love playing with PHP Codes and even implementing most of them into scripts (which, unfortunately, will never be released), I have decided to settle aside the dream I have and pursue to take Computer Science. I realized that BS Psychology is not the course for me. Countless tests and quizzes, long notes, hell memorizations, occasional reporting, yada yada. That is SO NOT for me. Another thing is that, its hard to find a work when I graduate with that course. As for ComSci, which I know will fit my interest, the programming language (perfect to unleash the geekiness of an individual) and basically making your brain go crazy with weird mathematical operations but in the end is worth it because hardwork pays, or at least.

Of course, before I do the do, I have to ask my mom first. And what she answered? “Do what you want.” Well, mom! ComSci is what I want! The problem is that, there is no freaking university at our province, I mean city, that offers ComSci or maybe I just don’t look for one because I want to study at the Upper East Side. Ooops.

If, possible, I have to shamelessly ask my aunt if its alright to study at Makati. I know there are lots of better university that offers such special course (ComSci). I have to be sure of that this coming weekend. Ehh, I’m nervous.

Okay. Now I want this book about PHP and MySql. I’m being geekish, WTF.